There is an increasing amount of talk out there about how the childfree face inequities when it comes to tax and workplace policies. It exists in the halls of academia as well. Here is an example – this story from a graduate student blew me away.
*Names and places are omitted to respect the student’s request for anonymity*
“I was a graduate student, focusing the topic of funerary practices. One of my professors was going to hold a public screening of the film, ‘Business of Being Born’ on campus and invited me at the last minute. I declined because it was a late invite, and I don’t like to watch birth due to some past trauma.
The prof told me I had no choice but to attend to earn ‘social capital as a doctoral student’ and assured me there were no graphic birthing scenes. So, I went, there were graphic birthing scenes, I had a panic attack during the film, had to leave to avoid vomiting/passing out in front of an audience.
The next day, the prof cornered me. She said that I had personally offended her. She wanted to know what I would tell someone who asked me about home birth – I said that I would recommend that they talk to a health professional, because I’m not one. She wanted to know why I avoided being included in birth-related activities, and I said that it’s because I don’t want children and I’m not interested in birth – hence, my doctoral studies in funerary practices.
The prof told me that because I am childfree, I ‘have the maturity level of an 18-year old freshman boy’ and that I’m ‘not normal,’ and I ‘don’t fit in with other women.’ Then she said that she hoped I had a back-up school, because she didn’t want me in ‘her’ department.
The next morning, the head of the department told me that they took a vote and decided to drop their support of my program.
I filed a report with the equity and diversity office, and they told me that they couldn’t do anything about it because there is no such thing as discrimination against the childfree.
All of this led to a crazy-making fence-sitting period for me, questioning my choices and almost having a baby with a man I didn’t love for the wrong reasons. I have to tell you – reading your book (The Baby Matrix) helped me be myself again. Thank you.”
Unbelievable, isn’t it? This is also a real example of the negative impacts of pronatalism, namely, discrimination based on reproductive choice. And the fact that she understandably has to request anonymity is troubling…
She agreed to let me post her story, because in her words, “I want my experience to help other childfree folks know that this choice can be tough, but they aren’t alone.”
Do you know of other stories related to childfree discrimination? Experienced it yourself?
Tags: childfree women, childless by choice women, education, pronatalism, workplace discrimination
January 11th, 2013 at 2:43 pm
I would have suggested that the student take it further up to the Dean of Students, or Pesident, and the media. That situation seems completely absurd being that it was not in relation to the student’s academic program and was detrimental to the student.
January 11th, 2013 at 5:30 pm
I never heard of anything in my industry. I am a graphic designer. The word was around when I was in my twenties that it is harder for young women to get work as opposed to men due to them leaving and having children. I did however have one friend who had to work back on a regular basis to cover for another lady in the office who had to pick up her children from care. She used to grumble to us, but put up with it for fear of losing her job.
January 11th, 2013 at 6:16 pm
In Australia this could be construed as discrimination because discrimination is prescribed by a number of criteria including “parental status”. Few realise that this includes the status of not being a parent. Certainly there have been cases of proven discrimination against parents but I am yet to see someone bring a case of discrimination on the grounds of non-parental status. Given the increasing profile of childfree identity politics together with growing resentment towards family-favouritism here, it is only a matter of time.
January 12th, 2013 at 10:28 am
I think this student should sue the living lights out of this incompetent discriminating teacher. I see this kind of behaviour no different for being harassed and discriminated over race, colour, age, religion, sexual orientation or gender, none of which are acceptable nor legal.
January 12th, 2013 at 1:12 pm
Taking it to the media – not just the prof but the school’s response (there is no such thing as cf discrim) could have been quite the story..but one would need to be real ready for it. Media can be brutal…on talk radio I have been called a racist – (that I must be promoting not having kids so that minority populations won’t rise – Say What?) and worse…Pretty unbelievable.
January 14th, 2013 at 12:17 pm
I think the student has a case here – because the film wasn’t part of the curriculum there is no basis for making them see it.
January 15th, 2013 at 5:22 pm
The student may want to talk to someone at the American Association of University Professors or some other related faculty association, especially in her field (which I’m guessing is Anthropology?). What she’s describing is not only a form of bullying and harassment but also a violation of her academic freedom. There may also be university guidelines about what advisors can require from their graduate students — there may be strict written limits about requirements that are outside official course workm, outside the scope of a job description, etc.
The comments about her views may not be actionable as sexual harassment, but forcing her to go to the film may be a violation of her job description.
January 15th, 2013 at 5:25 pm
As for talking to the media, she could start with _The Chronicle of Higher Education_. She would likely get a fair hearing from them, if not an outright friendly reception. Looking for fairness from a talk radio show is looking in the worst place.
January 15th, 2013 at 5:45 pm
I agree with Scott – very good suggestions. Especially if/despite there not someone at the university/college is willing to listen.
January 16th, 2013 at 6:14 pm
About Laura getting called a racist:
As for being labeled a racist for expressing a particular point of view, there’s really no way in the current cultural climate to fight against that, so there’s nothing to stop that label getting tossed around whether it’s accurate or not. I can call someone a racist, that person cannot ever truly prove otherwise, so I win.
It’s impossible to prove that you aren’t racist, and virtually anything can be interpreted as racist, so it’s a fairly unavoidable label when you say something at all controversial. I’ve been told that the fact that you think you’re not racist is evidence of racism, so try to talk your way out of that one….
March 11th, 2013 at 2:57 am
I was very touched by what I just read and I could not believe the prejudice this poor woman had to endure just because of her choice not to have children. This article validates that while we live in a society where we distribute birth-control to women, but still want her main role in life to be mother. Does this mean that while society provides birth-control, we don’t really want women to have a choice? Are the women who can, but choose not to have kids seen as traitors? What about men who choose not to be fathers? Why aren’t they discriminated against if they choose to do something different other than raise a family? Life is a gift to all – what we do with it (as long as your decisions don’t hurt or impose on others???) should remain our choice. I feel that a person would be no less narrow-minded than Hitler if you impose your beliefs on others. This is the 21st century! Having children is and always has been a choice! We are the unique species that can consciously decide whether or not we wish to have off-spring. I think it was an evil thing to do to impose a person into deciding something that wasn’t their choice. Its no different to an arranged marriage, its no different than making someone sit at the back of the bus, its discrimination. Plain and simple.